Anything worth talking about, is worth blogging about

Someone in the US has discovered new conspiracy theory:

“The CIA, the UN, and the Black Helicopter People all invented these theories,” says one American, who remained anonymous to protect his identity. “Agenda 21, Chemtrails, Protocols, others; they were all invented by the CIA. They want to divert our attention from what’s really going on.”

This American conspiracy theorist has quite a busy life. Oftentimes, he inventories his collection of tin foil hats and kool–aid makers.

“It’s quite easy to refute those conspiracy theories. Chemtrails, for example, are quite silly. There are far easier ways to poison people than by dumping shit into jet exhaust (which would likely incinerate everything anyway). Similarly, Agenda 21 is purely voluntary and has no enforcement mechanisms. And the Protocols of the Elders of Zion are a hoax plagiarized by the Czarist secret police. Anyone who believes any of those or other conspiracy theories is, to put it bluntly, a nutbuttered wackaloon,” he said.

“By allowing such disinformation to spread, it makes people look like batshit crazy paranoids with a compulsive hatred of the government and an inability to see anything as being mundane; it’s always the action of sinister forces that only we know about. That way, we all become absolute laughingstock due to our intricate webs of interconnections and our collections of junk science and ahistorical nonsense. The CIA, UN, and BHP also just want us to be a bunch of crank magnets, where if we’re in for penny we’re in for the pound, and  if we believe in one conspiracy theory, we might as well believe in them all. This includes ones that contradict each other, such as bin Laden being dead for a decade and being captured alive. All this simply makes us look like unhinged fanatics no one should believe in.

“That’s why all these theories were invented.”


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