WASHINGTON—In a stunning development that has left every federal institution reeling, the U.S. government’s legislative branch was arrested this afternoon on 23.3 million separate charges of manslaughter, sources confirmed.
Citing numerous lethal actions over nearly two and a half centuries—including negligent health care policies, failure to fund reconstruction on dangerously dilapidated roads and bridges, and repeatedly putting American soldiers in harm’s way in every armed conflict dating back to the War of 1812—authorities handcuffed all 535 members of Congress today and escorted them from the Capitol building amidst a throng of onlookers.
And yes, it is The Onion.
But as an aside, there is a kernel of truth here. The US has some of the worst statistics (poverty, life–expectancy, quality of infrastructure, health insurance coverage, crime and incarceration, etc) of any developed country. It doesn’t have to be that way.