The following is a message from God

Dear not-raptureds:

You may have seen lots of people being raptured today. However, they weren’t the ones you expected. For example, the Robertson, Dobson, Fischer, and Barber types are still here. There are numerous reasons for this.

One is the consistent false predictions. There are far too many doomsdays that didn’t.

One reason is that you accuse me of “creating a fake”. Evolution is a fact supported by overwhelming observable evidence. The cdesign proponentists and creationists dispute this, therefore committing the sin of blasphemy by accusing me of being deceptive. This is why members of the Discovery Institute, Answers in Genesis et al are still here.

Another is the few–issuesism. You focus almost exclusively on abortion, school prayer (even though you are told not to show off your faith), and same–sex marriage. How could it possibly be reasonable for my “followers” to be few–issue voters, when I, the creator of the universe, are clearly not a few–issue diety? You give the whole faith a bad name, making all Christians look like judgmental, sex obsessed fundies who cannot mind their own businesses. This therefore excludes the Focus on the Family, Family Research Council, et al are still here.

One other reason is how you promote the heresy of “prosperity theology”. Rather than acting following the reality that a camel going through the eye of a needle has a better chance than the rich man has of getting into heaven, you claim that the rich are especially favoured by me. You even go so far as to falsely ignore one entire book of the Bible. Instead you lie and whine about “redistribution”, while at the same time having no problem running million dollar megachurches and living in mansions funded by the proceeds of your members. This is why pretty much everyone who is a member of a megachurch is still here.

Lastly, you promote hypocrisy and make a complete farce of the idea of being saved. You claim that once you are saved you are always saved and guaranteed to get to heaven, no matter what you do. This provides no incentive for being moral, hence you high divorce rate, rampant child abuse, and the oppression of women. This is why all fundamentalist and theocon types are still here.

For those reasons, this is why the Lunas of the world have been raptured, and why you wingnuts have not.

Have a nice tribulation.

From: God