I once was an agnostic, but that time is past, and I am now an Evangelical Christian. Recently, I received a revelation; a revelation from God; a revelation about why the world is the way it is. I have to spread the good news and God’s message. God’s message is that we have to change our sinful ways. That will let us stop global warming and save ourselves.
The reason the world is warming is because of fig consumption. Don’t believe me? See how fig production and global temperatures are correlated? This correlation is because Satan continues to deceive us into eating and growing that accursed tree, and as a response, global warming is occurring.
God hates figs. Jesus cursed a fig tree and made it wither. Jesus did that to save the apostles from Satan’s fruit. Jesus commanded us not to eat fruit from this tree, and yet we continue to disobey His commandment. God threatened us with plagues, wars, and disasters if we consumed figs. And due to our continued consumption of this evil abomination, we have global warming. God is carrying through with His threat.
This is the most significant threat facing the world. It is worse than our continued wearing of mixed-fibre clothing.
We have to save the world. Join me in spreading the good news that we can end global warming by ending figs.